i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
