It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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