he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
