Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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