So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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