She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
