Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
