i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
