2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
