I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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