clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
