Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
