Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
