well I can't set my house on fire every night
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
