you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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