Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
