SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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