You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
