nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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