you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
