i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
