Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
