when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
