I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
