I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
