I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
