The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
