now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
