i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
