She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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