Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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