Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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