u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
