i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
