hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
