i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
