It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
