Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
