omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
