She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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