Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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