dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
