Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
