remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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