i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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