I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
