Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
