rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
