There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
