No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
