I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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