Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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