your parents love me but you hate me
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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