i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
