dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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