College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
