my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
