I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
