This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
